Once they were mostly out of
earshot of the cabin—not entirely, for Liz wanted to be able to hear should Will
wake—she stopped, found the mostly snow-free trunk of a fallen aspen, and
motioned for Einar to sit beside her. “We
have to decide what to do about Juni.”
He was surprised. It wasn’t what he had expected. “Now?”
“Yes, now. Because…well, some of the things we talked
about up there earlier, about you needing to get stronger, start heading in the
right direction again so you’ll be able to stay here with us…I hate to say it,
but some of those things are probably going to be easier done while she’s here,
and I want to know how long I have.”
“Why should it matter if she’s
here or not? Don’t really understand.”
“No. Just believe me. If she can help with Will now and then, or
with chores like firewood, this thing will go faster and you’ll be ready sooner
to take back over where you left off.”
“I’m ready now. Never yet left off in the first place. Not making a lot of sense, al of this.”
She sighed, drew the parka
closer around his neck, for he had begun to shiver after less than a minute of
stillness.
"I know you’ve never left off
yet, but you’re going to have to. That’s
part of what I wanted to discuss with you out here. You’ve said you can’t just lie around and let
me take care of things, and I understand that, but if you go on using up all
the energy you take in, and more, you’re never going to make any progress
really, and the first time we have to leave the cabin for any extended period
of time, you’ll end up right back where you are right now. Where you were up on the mountain yesterday. And you’ll die. So that’s why I need to know what we’re going
to do about Juni, and when. So I can
plan what we need to do with you.”
“Ha! I don’t like the sound of that, you know? Not easy for me to…doggone it, Liz. You’re really serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes. Dead serious, and I don’t want you to forget
how serious you were about it this morning, either. Because I know you were, or you wouldn’t have
been willing to shut down your week of instruction with Juni to come back down
here with me. Even if just for a little
while, you were starting to admit to yourself just how far you’ve let this thing
come, and how badly you need to start down a different path if you’re going to
stick around. Weren’t you?”
He shrugged, felt trapped and
wanted to run but knew he had no business doing that sort of thing to her,
particularly seeing as she was correct in everything she was saying. Had heard his thoughts plainly as if he’d
spoken everything aloud, somehow, and intended to hold him to all of it. Well, wasn’t that what he had wanted? What he had known must be done? It was, he supposed, only he’d intended to do
it himself and without any interference from her, or from Juni or anyone
else. Was the way he did everything, and
he simply couldn’t fathom responding with anything other than strong and immediate
resistance should anyone try and push him to do such things, from the
outside. Especially now that Liz had given
him release from the agreement he’d had with her. Had his freedom, meant to keep it but sensed
that she was asking him in her somewhat indirect way—tended to confuse him, and
he wished she’d just come straight to the point, state whatever it was she was
wanting him to do, and let him say yes or no—to allow her once more to have some
say over the course of his day-to-day life.
Some surrendering of his liberty which, though surely temporary, would
prove to him no less intolerable, and this confused him also, for he’d thought she
said not twenty minutes ago in the cabin that she was intending to do no such
thing.
He rose, leaning on a tree
and staring off into the snowy woods for a good minute before looking back in
her direction. “What is it you’re
wanting me to do here, Liz? You said we
were out here to talk about Juni, and now…”
“I want you to consider
letting Juni stay for a while longer, if you’re willing and if she is. I know at some point we have to decide how to
part ways with her for good, but let’s not even be too concerned with that
right now. How about another three weeks
or so for starters, and then we’ll see how things are going at the
end of it? Maybe your day of ‘instruction’
yesterday has changed her mind, but I know at least prior to that she would have
jumped at the chance to stick around for a while longer, and I really think it
would free me up some to focus on improving things for you and getting you to
the point where…”
He squirmed uncomfortably,
didn’t like to hear her talk in those terms.
“It’s not safe. If I do this, and
really keep up with eating and all…well, you’ve seen in the past. Things can tend to get a lot worse before
they get better, I get all sick and legs swell up and all that goes with it,
and if she decided to make a move while things were like that…I just wouldn’t
be too well equipped to protect the two of you or to make a hasty exit from
this place if things got bad in a hurry.”
“You’re not prepared to do
that now.”
Silence. Wanted to disagree, but couldn’t. Well, he could have, and could have made a
pretty good argument of it, too, could have taken off up the mountain to prove
her wrong, but instead he sat back down, met her eye.
“She can stay, and I’ll do
it. Whatever it is. But you may have to keep reminding me from
time to time that I said so.”
A smile from Liz, an embrace,
a whispered prayer of thanks as she pulled him back to his feet and led the way
to the cabin; have to get that firewood
carried inside, because I'm pretty sure a storm’s coming…
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